The Saga Continues...
Part II: The LOST Pride Saga!
By Nevin Jefferson
I nearly gagged when the Christian movement was used as ammunition against us. Let's try biggest joke! Amusing in itself, since it's a scene from the comedy of errors that I'm starring at. I feel sorry for them for not having enough sense or courage or the willingness to do the required research, prayer, soul searching, and desire to find the truth in the text they so frequently beat upon us. What flabbergasts me is that most people are either too lazy, frightened, or stupid to do the work required to learn the truth and instead will willing swallow whatever swill is dished out to them.
They don't scare, frighten, or pose any threat to me with their Biblical sayings that crown them Miss Quotations. And why is this dear readers? Because I invested the energy to find out the truth and it set me free! Amen to this Brothers and Sisters! That's how people like Hitler, Saddam, Mussolini, Amin, and everyone else like them rise to power. Because they're too lazy to learn for themselves. To invest the effort is really worth your peace of mind. Because even a small kennel of self-doubt is a cancer. To set these fools straight, Mary was called a virgin in the Old Testament; a virgin was an unmarried woman. Joseph was within his rights as a betrothed man to have Mary "put away" if she became pregnant prior to their wedding. But Joseph - being a "just" man - married her. If Christ wasn't his child, why did Joseph marry her?
The best description of the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth. What is the truth filled way a woman gets pregnant? And, finally, to stop these twits from beating a dead horse that's farther than the truth, the actual translation of Leviticus Chapter 18 Verse 22 reads: "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is an abomination." So what is really being said her gang is that it's the woman's bed. Don't use it! Its part of her things so don't do the nasty in her bed. If she wants to do the nasty in her bed it's okay because it's her bed. Nuff said, okay?
My pain medication wore off at the same time that the young Lesbian who I was dancing with when her halter-top popped right in the middle of Broadway - in the core of the Parade. I reached around her and tied it in a knot for her. We bogeyed on down the street; saved from being topless which would have made her perfect company with her Sisters who were equally or far greater topless. My bogey turned into a hobble but did I give up? No! My public awaited me. Of course, my public didn't recognize me when my name was announced from the commentator's booth. Where's Nevin? He's right before you praying for a pain killer.
My date was kind enough to hold me up while I put in an appearance at the rally. It was at this time that my date asked me to stop introducing him as my date. People who I hadn't seen in years were shocked to see me because they thought that I had expired from AIDS related symptoms. No such luck! I'm still here, Queer, in pain, so get used to it. If I die in bed, it's going to be one big dramatic scene that'll win me an Oscar in heaven. I made it a point to greet every Black person in passing, then, introduce myself because Blacks complain that they don't feel welcomed in the Gay community. I did my Christian, Gay, duty to make them feel like they were welcome and a big part of the family. Everyone has to start somewhere, so why not let it start with me? I spoke to everyone else greeting him or her with Pride tidings. Some received me very well and returned the sentiments. Others went into shock and were glad that someone actually walked up to them and greeted them with love. The rest quickly got over it, leaving with my great words of wisdom that moved my date to tears. Yes, gang! The writing was on the wall, it was time to wrap things up. The man had suffered enough. I'll confess to this sin next Saturday at Confession. Then light a candle for the nice man. It's the least that I can do.
I talked to the loyal campaigners for Tom Rasmussen. Change comes from within the establishment, so vote for the man! Vote in the upcoming election or forever hold your bitch. I was bestowed with Pride beads by James Mulvan of R Place who was boasting interest for Gay Softball. For those of you who are into balls R Place Softball is just the social outing that you need to put some sporting season in your life. Contact James Mulvan via James10765@yahoo.com for more details. Be polite and don't email the man asking about the size of his dick! He's trying to make a difference in the community, so give the man help and your participation. It's the least that we can all do to get involved. If softballs are your thing and you love playing with bigger balls, Century 21, Seawest, and Pride Leagues are back in action at West Seattle Bowl. Contact West Seattle Bowl for more information, which they'll gladly roll your way. For those of you who don't want to commit to a league, they have a Sunday social. I'll be bowling in the Seawest League with Rick who promised to put me on a team. He's looking forward to bowling with me and welcomed me with open arms. In the event that I run him away during the season, I used to be League secretary for The Lincoln Park Lagooners in Chicago. Hey, it'll work miracles for me and the league!
Check out the Disco experience at Experience Music Project. If you didn't throw away the sticker that was passed out, there's a $5.00 off the admission. This was the point in the Parade when people wanted another one. This was the part of the parade where I told them "NO!" One per customer - unless you were cute and wanted to take me. I also passed out tattoos for this affair offering to put it on the body part of my choice to the cute guys who I made the offer to. I did three tits, 16 Asses, and promised to put it on an even more private part later. I talked to the folks of Seattle Gay Couples. I'm not a couple but I'll mention them anyway because I believe in what they're doing. I thanked all of Seattle's finest - our hot men in uniform for their help and support. They have a job to do and they did it. For this, I salute them as ask that the Gay cops contact me for an exclusive interview. Since my dates are borderline on cruel and unusual treatment, it's high time that I get arrested by the "Date Police." I found it quite ironic when someone gave me a brochure for Safeco auto insurance. At first I thought that it was a sick and twisted joke of the comedy of errors gearing up for the grand finale.
Later that night, I got a credit application from a car dealer, which I filled out and emailed it back. He called again which was when I explained the circumstances and told him that I had just read a "dear dumped letter" from my date and not to mess with my head. He told me that he'd pick me up in the morning and drive me to Kirkland to the KIA dealer and I could drive home in a new car from there. At first I thought that it was my date trying to get even with me for taking him on a tour of hell! Guess what gang? I have a new vehicle! God is good to me! I lost the man and got a car! Fair exchange if you ask me. All and all Pride Day was a very positive experience for me, which made me free good inside. I loved every minute of it.
The scene ended with my camera refusing to do what it was purchased for. It took the pictures but died during the download of all of the Pride pictures that I took for this article. The curtains close as I scream! As for my date - who put out a restraining order on me after posting my picture on the Internet with a warning to other studs not to date me - avoid it at all cost for your sanity's sake. I'm quite sure that Mark Finley would love to have a word with him. Mark, when you're done sharpening your claws, see our forever hot editor for the everything you need to know about finding him to read his beads and snatch him bald! As for me, I'm going to keep the positive feeling alive and moving within me. Yes, I love being who I am! I love my life!
2006
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